Life Or Death Decisions

A very fine line

One of the things that working with street dogs exposes me to a lot is their battles between life or death. It is a fine line that most of them straddle on an often daily basis with the many threats they face.

If the kindest souls were rewarded with the longest lives, dogs would outlive us all

I’ve just had one of the hardest weeks I’ve ever had helping dogs and while it nearly broke me physically and mentally the dogs taught me so much…

Sick Dogs - Hard Decisions

We now have our field hospital running and the main hospital is also on the way (more about that next week). I always thought rather naively that it would be a joyous place with happy and healthy dogs leaving all fixed up.

It turns our (rather obviously in hindsight) that hospitals are places full of extremely sick dogs and hard decisions are to be made hourly…

This past week…

• Kerry - Sadly passed away after her heart gave up after a 7 month battle

• Birdie - Came in off the streets with an infected vagina and fractured leg

• Jada - Unbelievably scared girl with a huge tumor on her back

• Big T - Trying to recover from cancer and a huge operation

• Roberto - At death’s door alone on the streets

The hardest part is that none of the decisions are clear cut. There isn’t always a right answer…

Big T - The Decision Was Taken Out Of My Hands

We recently got the news that Big T’s cancer had spread all over his body. I woke up this week with a wonderful plan in my head. We were going to spoil him with amazing food and end of life experiences.

24 hours after making those plans Big T was gone. After a brave fight for a month and some progress his body just gave up. His legs went and very quickly he had breathing issues. His last day was peaceful for him but it all happened in a blur for me.

You never have enough time but in a week of hard decisions I was lucky Big T made it for me. His time was up.

We do so many different things now at Happy Doggo (feeding dogs, medical procedures, funding sterilizing etc) but I firmly believe helping the older sick dogs pass with dignity is right up there.

Sadly Big T didn’t give us much notice but he got…

• Superb medical care and pain relief on site

• Smothered with love by dogs and humans

• Someone with him every second of his last day

• Lots of tasty treats like roasted chicken to snack on

• A gentle passing

• A little ceremony with myself, Earth and our local monk

• His ashes will be scattered around Tina at Happy Doggo land.

His previous destiny had been to die alone in a pool of his own blood being eaten by the maggots in his wound. We weren’t able to fully fix Big T but we made him feel special, safe, loved and important.

The Personal Toll

When I started helping street dogs I used to whizz around on my moped feeding them and stupidly naive about the scale of the issue. I thought I was fixing the problem with my bag of kibble.

Now with a few years experience and a team of us I can tell you that the challenges are immense. In the past week as we lost two beloved dogs I’ve had to pick the team up around me. It doesn’t help that I was also bitten in the neck which became infected.

When I started this, I didn’t expect to be digging graves, laying in a hospital bed, acting as a counsellor and juggling big medical bills.

Without a doubt the hardest part of all…the decisions. Who can get treatment and who can’t? Should we keep fighting for a dog or let them pass gently? Which dogs need to vacate their spot so we can get another one in?

Of course you need to be calculated and methodic with the decisions. Thats easy to say but a lot harder when Kerry or Big T are looking at you with their big sad eyes in their final days.

I won’t lie. Making so many life or death decisions is very very tough mentally.

There Is Always A Silver Lining

So why do we choose this life? How do the team keep managing to dust themselves down from so much heartache? For me the answer is obviously for the dogs but I also see the absolute best of humanity. In a 24 hour period at the weekend….

• A friend and her dad built Big T his little cart with his toys

• The monk and Earth helped me at short notice with the ceremony

• Another friend gave me money to get Big T a final steak

• Our team put their heart and soul into helping dogs with many tears

• I got the card below from Matilda’s new owners who have come to pick her up

• Roberto, Dollar Bill and Birdie started recovering after expert medical treatment

• Kind messages of support from around the world

I could pick another 50 examples. In a world with so much negativity and so much suffering for both dogs and humans I find this work shows me the inherent good in people. I might be in my own little bubble but seeing the dogs and humans live in the moment and be kind is what keeps the dark times manageable.

After Big T was cremated I went to sit on my own and have a baguette and a coke on the beach. All I could smell was gasoline and charcoal from the ceremony mixed with dried blood from my few injuries and pee that had spilled from Big T at the end.

The pain from the abscess on my neck was severe. The tank was totally empty as I watched happy couples taking a stroll down the beach as the sun set. The little boats were coming in with tipsy backpackers.

I started thinking to myself “wouldn’t it be nice to have no responsibility and not a care in the world?”. I pondered it for a moment thinking about all the people having an ice cold beer and then a lovely holiday dinner. I laughed to myself and remembered that I’ve had that life.

My mind drifted off and I started thinking about the big guy again…

At the very end as Big T closed his eyes for the last time he produced the biggest yawn I ever ever seen. The sort of yawn a gentle old grandfather would let out beside the fire in his favorite rocking chair inside the family home after a long festive day. It was A deeply tired and contented yawn.

Big T started running with his paws like dogs do in their sleep. It only lasted for 5 seconds but it is a sight I’ll never forget. His pain was gone. In his head he was a puppy again without a care in the world. He was at peace.

Just after he passed I whispered into his ear that Tina would be waiting for him now. She could take it from here.

The decisions are hard but I drove home on my moped with the sun setting thinking just how happy I was laying with Big T on his last day. There is no price you could put on that happiness for me. It was an honor to meet him.

Look after yourselves.

Big Love

Niall

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